Early Warning Signs

I drew this the other night when I couldn’t sleep. 

It was only the next day when I looked back at it that I realised how disturbing it truly is. 

It’s about the feeling of sinking into a major depressive episode. 

But this time I spotted the signs and I hope I have caught it before it was too late. 

Instead of letting myself sink without doing anything about it, I started back up my antidepressants before I lost myself completely. 

So here’s “Early Warning Signs”

There’s darkness under the bubble. The world is turning grey.
The edges close in and blacken.

My world is a chalk pastel sketch, the colours seeping out; slowly fading.

A hand that is not mine scratches at the edges, charcoal blurring my world.

The blackness is creeping back again.

But this time perhaps it’s different. I feel the blackness before it envelops me. I act, or I try to. I know what’s coming and I try something different.

Maybe it will work.

 Art Journal Sketch Series. Watercolour Pencil on Paper. Copyright Katy Matilda Neo, 2017.