Today I Want to Live

“I dream of a life unencumbered,
alone in a house on a hill.
Surrounded by only the wildness,
and holding my self within me.”

 – Katy Matilda Neo, 2017

 One day, quite recently, this image was persistently present in my mind.

Sometimes this happens and I can’t rest until I draw it. So I did. And I fell in love with it. And it occured to me, that I want it. I want that cottage, on a hill, isolated. Surrounded by trees and scrubland and moss and heather. Where the trees are so old they are falling down, and that’s just fine, they are doing their thing.

And for the first time, possibly ever, I had an actual fleeting, momentary belief that there might be a future.

One with me in it. One I chose to be in. One where I choose what I do. One with possibilities. And whenever I look at this picture, I get that feeling again. And I want it.

And it occurred to me that something had changed, a subtle brightening of hues. A subtle change in tone or timbre.

Because undeniably, every day, I choose to live.

But today. Today, I want to live.

Art Journal Sketch Series. Watercolour Pencil on Paper. ©Katy Matilda Neo, 2017.