On Balance

When I made this, I was in a really bad place. And I mean bad. The absolute worst.

I was anxious about sharing it, because of where I was when I made it. I didn’t remember any of what I had written, or in fact that I had written on it at all, until around a week later, when I looked back at it. I had been unable to open my sketchbook all week. Presumably I was afraid of what I had written.

But why the anxiety about sharing? I’ve shared raw stuff before. I share raw stuff all of the time. So what’s so special about this? I realised, it’s the fallacy at the core of many of my issues; the misconception that sharing the deepest of my lows will actually cause harm to those I love. This is the misconception that kept me quiet for years, and this is what was at the root of the reluctance to share this. But here it is. Because I started this project to confront my difficulties with openness and sharing my struggles.

When I was very little, I was told a big, big lie. A lie that continues to affect everything I do, to this very day. A lie that was actually far more harmful, in its own right, than the act it was constructed to conceal. The biggest work of my journey is deconstructing that lie and the effects it has had on the way I see and experience the world. And I’m going to take this next challenge, sharing this, incredibly raw piece of work, right on the head. So, without further ado, here it is. Balance.

Art Journal Sketch Series. Watercolour Pencil on Paper.
© Katy Matilda Neo 2018.